And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
