Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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