someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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