He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
