and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
