all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
