what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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