I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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