just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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