if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
