So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this just has baby written all over it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
