so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Randomize
