Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
