He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so let's talk penis.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
