Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
