Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
