forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
