College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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