I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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