we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
