Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
