I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
