who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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