is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
