Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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