My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
