sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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