and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
