You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they need to just BURY HIM!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
