Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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