After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
