So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
