Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
