Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
