Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You left your phone here
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