So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Randomize
