I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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