He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
