dude i'm inner monologue high
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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