i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
