Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
