oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
