i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
