well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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