Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
