I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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