Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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