what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
