Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
