Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
