found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
