I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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