god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
