I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
