My liver just broke up with me...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
